i had to repost this. it was written by tim siedell, and was recently posted in the huffington post. enjoy.

Impersonal Greetings!

Here’s a sentence about how the year is almost over, in case you don’t know how the Gregorian calendar operates. Here’s a trite phrase about how quickly time passes, probably stolen from a friend’s Facebook wall. Here’s an attempted joke that doesn’t work.

Let’s talk about the hubby. The dad in this family probably got promoted and now has additional responsibilities that the letter writer sincerely hopes will make you question your choice of a life partner. The rest of this paragraph will highlight regular stuff that every parent does, like coaching a little league team or building a shed in the backyard. After briefly mentioning some award received at a convention in Orlando or wherever, it’s time to make this Superman appear more human, so… Snarky comment about how the dad didn’t beat his marathon time from last year because he did something stupid like hurt his toe during training!!!!!!!!!!

Let’s move on to the kids, who are better than your kids in every way. These ways will be listed and categorized by child’s name, age, and some personality trait that nobody but the parents of the child actually sees. If a child had a minor health scare or got banged up while biking or something, it will be milked here for maximum sympathy, perhaps focusing on how hard it was for the letter writer to make it through this tough time. If applicable, the letter will now veer off into a diatribe about how the city should make things safer for young bicyclists. The point will be made at the end of this paragraph that the letter writer is no different than any other concerned parent or citizen, thus clearly implying the exact opposite.

Now let’s blow some kind of minor family problem into a full-blown tragedy. The death of a pet, perhaps. Some kind of costly household repair due to a storm would work nicely. If nothing else, this paragraph should focus on how the family has struggled coping with world events, such as the Japanese tsunami. Obstacle stated here. Explanation of how the family overcame said obstacle here (in the case of Japan, the solution will be prayer and the family moving on to some other issue). Now, here’s the poignant end to this section of the letter. While these events would have ripped a normal family like yours apart, the letter writer’s family came together and is now stronger than ever before.

(This is the blank space between paragraphs that make no mention of the husband’s affair with a co-worker in Orlando or the fact that the parents haven’t slept in the same bed since February.)

Now’s the time to mention a friend of the family or a distant relative who did something remarkable, like climb a mountain or meet Michelle Obama at a fundraiser, in order to make the entire family look interesting.

Self-deprecating apology here about how this letter is so long, cleverly implying that your family could probably just summarize the year on a notecard.

Oh, well! Or another mindless statement meant to abruptly end a letter! Mandatory holiday greetings, almost as an aside.

(Family name in script font)

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i’m sure most of you have heard about this site by now, and i’ve been using it for some time, but holy moly.  groove shark.  today i took the time to set up my profile and check out the features – and realized the site is pretty fantastic.  if you haven’t heard of it and like discovering new tunes,  do yourself a favor and check it out.

curious what i’m listening to?  check out my current playlist.

it has to be one of my least favorite feelings. nausea is definitely up there. so is that too hot with the covers on, but too cold with them off feeling at night. oh, and water in my ears – i hate that one. but this? this one just takes the cake.

THU i had nose surgery. no, not the “i want a more symmetrical, better looking face” type. i had the “i can’t stand being a mouth breather, i want to know what smelling things feels like again” type. the procedure went well despite taking an hour longer than planned, and even though the nurse told me i looked like shit while we all waited for the third bout of nausea to die down in the post op area, i have to say i’m pretty pleased with the whole experience. i haven’t had much pain, nor have i had any troubling side effects. it’s uncomfortable, sure, but that was to be expected. everything seems to have gone as planned.

until today.

i woke this morning to find myself in that stage of healing where stuff is starting to drain from the back of my nose, yet seems to lazy to complete the entire trip, having to stop for a rest at the back of my throat. i call this “typical american phlegm.” annoying, irritating, looking out for it’s own best interest. sadly, this experience is nothing new. after living with this busted nose for nearly ten years, i’ve found myself in this same senario with every passing cold, allergy, or airline flight. and yet despite all my experience, i’ve yet to master a remedy.

sure, there’s the chin forward, hard swallow technique – works fine for clearing the thin, weak stuff, but hardly effective for the hearty, well established crud. that stubborn crap requires a totally different, often multifaceted approach. the firm hack, the throat clear that’s easily misinterpreted as trying to get someone to stop what they’re saying, the suck all the spit back in you mouth and forcefully swallow – i’ve tried them all. and yet, nearly nine hours into my day, i’ve only made a small dent in my right nostril. (don’t even get me started about the hoover dam type blockage in the left one)

i’d like to think that with a few more years of practice, i’ll have mastered a technique like i have with other annoying feelings: the ear lobe stretch / head tilt while clearing my throat move to get the unwanted water from my ears after a swim workout. or, the one foot out the side of the sheets trick to regulate the too hot / too cold nighttime body temperature woes. then again, with my nose replumbed, maybe i won’t have to deal with this again. or worst case senario, i can get by with the weak snot technique. after today, i’d say that one’s pretty much mastered.