the art of mastering technique

it has to be one of my least favorite feelings. nausea is definitely up there. so is that too hot with the covers on, but too cold with them off feeling at night. oh, and water in my ears – i hate that one. but this? this one just takes the cake.

THU i had nose surgery. no, not the “i want a more symmetrical, better looking face” type. i had the “i can’t stand being a mouth breather, i want to know what smelling things feels like again” type. the procedure went well despite taking an hour longer than planned, and even though the nurse told me i looked like shit while we all waited for the third bout of nausea to die down in the post op area, i have to say i’m pretty pleased with the whole experience. i haven’t had much pain, nor have i had any troubling side effects. it’s uncomfortable, sure, but that was to be expected. everything seems to have gone as planned.

until today.

i woke this morning to find myself in that stage of healing where stuff is starting to drain from the back of my nose, yet seems to lazy to complete the entire trip, having to stop for a rest at the back of my throat. i call this “typical american phlegm.” annoying, irritating, looking out for it’s own best interest. sadly, this experience is nothing new. after living with this busted nose for nearly ten years, i’ve found myself in this same senario with every passing cold, allergy, or airline flight. and yet despite all my experience, i’ve yet to master a remedy.

sure, there’s the chin forward, hard swallow technique – works fine for clearing the thin, weak stuff, but hardly effective for the hearty, well established crud. that stubborn crap requires a totally different, often multifaceted approach. the firm hack, the throat clear that’s easily misinterpreted as trying to get someone to stop what they’re saying, the suck all the spit back in you mouth and forcefully swallow – i’ve tried them all. and yet, nearly nine hours into my day, i’ve only made a small dent in my right nostril. (don’t even get me started about the hoover dam type blockage in the left one)

i’d like to think that with a few more years of practice, i’ll have mastered a technique like i have with other annoying feelings: the ear lobe stretch / head tilt while clearing my throat move to get the unwanted water from my ears after a swim workout. or, the one foot out the side of the sheets trick to regulate the too hot / too cold nighttime body temperature woes. then again, with my nose replumbed, maybe i won’t have to deal with this again. or worst case senario, i can get by with the weak snot technique. after today, i’d say that one’s pretty much mastered.

One Comment on “the art of mastering technique

  1. “typical american phlegm.” I about spit out my beverage with that one! Nice one.

    Seriously, I hope the hoover dam clears up and you do not have to deal with this phlegmey stuff for long.

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