i just don’t get it

i find myself saying this a lot lately. the driver stopping in the middle of the road for no apparent reason. the thirty-something chatting away on his hands free in the middle of the waiting room, outside voice blaring like he just walked out of a Metallica concert. and i find more i try to figure out why people do the things they do, the more i dislike them find myself utterly clueless.  courtesy and a certain politeness towards others has always scored major brownie points in my book, and really, this stuff isn’t that hard. don’t hit your brother, say excuse me if you bump into someone, don’t fart at the table – stuff we’ve been taught since a young age. sadly though, with the vast majority of people i witness day in and day out, i’m pretty sure these traits have been thrown right out the window.  doing something nice for others?  forget about it. thinking first, doing second? not a chance. instead, it’s everyman, woman, (and yes), child for themselves nowadays.

on the drive to the hospital this AM with Stoob for her weekly treatment, i found myself behind a lady driving 57 mph in the left lane on the interstate.  no wait, she’s up to 61.  oh, nevermind – she’s back down to 52. this got me thinking:  there are a lot of things people do that not only piss me off, but leave me speechless. mind blown. flabbergasted. the ‘why the shit do people do that / that makes absolutely no sense whatsoever’ kind of stuff. maybe i should make a list i thought…

so here it is:

1.  i’ll start with the already mentioned lady driving  S     L     O     W  in the fast lane on the highway.  while this applies to all drivers, Ms. 57 mph is still fresh in my mind.  so for the time being, i’ll focus on her.  common sense would tell us that to keep the roadways moving in a safe, courteous, and smooth manner, motorists should all cruise along in the right lane, keeping the left lane open for passing only.  this way, in theory (or in all other developed countries around the world), one should never have to apply their brakes while cruising along. come up on a car with troubles, an oversize load, or Granny Mertle heading to bridge club? no problem. just move into the left lane, pass with ease, and move back over. sounds simple, right?  nope.  for some reason, people think it’s ok to hang out on the left. they have no reason to be there, they’re just there.  even after riding their bumper just a bit too close for a bit too long, they remain totally oblivious to the world behind them, 100% clueless.

2.  the jackass at the back of the grocery line that jumps over to the just opened checkout first.  really dude?  REALLY?!?  this one is just plain rude. these people are assholes. don’t be this asshole. i make it a point to call out the person every time.  EVERY SINGLE TIME.

3.  cars that pass me at full speed while i’m running or biking.  they don’t brake.  they don’t move over at all.  hell, i wonder if they even see me.  and every time, they scare the living shit out of me.  i see it going like this:

SUNDAY!!!  SUNDAY!!! SUNDAY!!!  

in the right corner, representing the SUV clan of Soccermomlandia, weighing in at 5,251 pounds….hhhhhheeeeerrrrreeeee’s Nissan Armada!!!!  

and in the left corner, hailing from Ijustwanttobeafitterandhealthierpersonville, weighing in at 143 pounds, give it up for SSSSSSSSSeptastic!

LET’S GET READY TO RUMBLLLLLEEEEEE!!!!!
**music bangs, crowd roars**

– today’s match will likely be a quick kill, wouldn’t you say Jimmy?!?
– sure will be, Al!  with her sheer speed, steel frame, and five star safety rating, the Armada is the clear favorite against Septastic! with his lycra suit and plastic helmet.  and with a historical record of 53,000 deaths to zero, my money’s on the SUV today!  back to you Al.

4.  the average worker.  ok, i realize this isn’t a specific behavior, but i’ll give you examples.  and because this is without a doubt the one area that has me constantly shaking my head, i couldn’t leave it off the list.

scenario 1:
worker: welcome to “x” store, can i help you?
me: sure, thanks! i’m looking for “x” product.
w: no problem. we have two different types.
m: oh, great! which do you recommend?
w: this one, for sure.
m: can i ask why? ease of use? does it perform well? is it durable? warranty?
w: well, lots of people buy it.

scenario 2:
construction flagger texting on his phone with both hands, stop/slow sign resting on his shoulder. the sign reads slow, the road ahead is blocked with two dump trucks, a bulldozer, dozens of workers, and enough dust to block out the sun. i pull up, roll down the window, and ask if i really should go. ‘sure’, he says, never looking up.

scenario 3:
this:

this:

or this:

5. crazy loud cell phone ringer. it never fails. sitting down to dinner, watching a movie at the cinema, reading a book at the library – nowhere is safe. the ringer is always some crap pop song blaring in all it’s glory, and it doesn’t stop there. as i stare at the person digging for the ringing phone at a pace somewhere between a snail and a sloth, the scene is always the same: person finds phone, person looks at caller id, person informs sig other who is calling, person answers the phone with roaring hello. all, of course, while Britney continues to wail ‘hit me baby one more time’. now, i know Americans are lazy. i get that. but is it that hard to switch your phone to vibrate? and sure, sometimes people forget. happens to the best of us. that’s why the geniuses who made the phones designed them to silence with a simple press of the volume button while it’s ringing. TA-DA!! it’s not hard. it’s certainly no up, up, down, down, left, right, left, right, b, a, select, start passcode.

there are more behaviors that leave me scratching my head. tons more. and sure, i’ll admit they are mostly people doing things for policial or religious reasons. but in my attempts to keep this blog somewhat neutral, i’ll save those for a later time. for now, i cope. about a year ago, a good friend told me this:

“when all else fails, pet the dog.”

and with a new puppy in the family, that’s just what i’m doing. it’s working, for now.